Apparently his footprint was too big, so Caleb closed his Facebook account and started using mine. I’ve never been so popular. ‘You got forty new likes from that post,’ he tells me. ‘Something about cat videos they can’t satiate.’ I don’t sign on anymore, Caleb does my digital accounting and CC’s the reportage to my phone in case of real world enquiries. ‘Can you take pictures of your food?’ He asks me. ‘People love knowing what they’re not eating.’ But I haven’t eaten in days, so he says ‘Forget it, there has to be something tasty on the net.’

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