I am not ok. I don’t know if I ever have been, which means when people ask me how I am, I have to say I’m ok, because not being that way is normal for me and that needs to be alright. On a good day I am nominally as normal as anyone. On a bad day I believe I don’t deserve to be here, though even that is tricky since I hurt myself by thinking in that direction anyway. These things are hard to talk about because they’re socially irrelevant and personally isolating, but I guess that’s ok.