I dreamt of punching myself in the head. I so desperately wanted to hurt myself, but I couldn’t get any traction. The blows felt like nothing and the frustration, while palpable, only made the desire for pain worse. I’ve hurt myself before, in life and in dreams, and the satisfaction, though fleeting, is utterly real. Not being able to gain anything from myself in subconscious felt like the worst kind of misery. I woke wrapped in furious loathing and thought instantly to realise my dreams, though I can never actualise and live inside the fear of being mediocre forever.
Nic Addenbrooke is a freelance writer, editor, content creator, radio broadcaster, part-time poet and sometimes artist. Nic has been coming to terms with existence for years. He currently lives and works in Brisbane where he struggles to turn the cacophony of voices in his head into things of substance. It doesn’t always work but occasionally produces a nice veneer of sanity.
09/02/2016 at 21:14
I’ve never thought that people self harm as a way to destroy their inner demons, but maybe that is one of the reasons.
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09/02/2016 at 22:26
There are myriad reasons and all of them unique and almost completely inexplicable to the outside.